You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
