and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
