p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
