Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
