I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
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Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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