I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
