If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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