I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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