$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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