someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
