he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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