Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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