I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
