Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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