Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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