i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
