That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The air was thick with penises
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
