If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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