So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
