So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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