I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
