His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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