Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
