If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
