Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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