i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
