Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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