Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think i have herpe
just one?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
