There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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