i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
