Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
