Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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