bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
