how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
