I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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