So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
