I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
