I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
