why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
