he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?