I skipped work to stalk him.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night