i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
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I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
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The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.