Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.