The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED