The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
