so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
