She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
