I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
