I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
