I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
