Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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