OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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