i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
