your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Every concussion has its silver lining
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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