I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
