actually, I'm a sock model
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
