PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
