i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
