fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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