Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
