maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
